(If this post is going to be used for the front page, please make it anonymous!)

Addiction is a really ugly disease.  It changes you not only physically but also emotionally.  And it can take years to gain everything back that you lost.  I currently work in an addiction treatment center and it really got me thinking about relationships.  I see a lot of people in/coming from dysfunctional relationships and that is usually one of the most difficult things they work on while they are in treatment. 

Since working at this job, I've said that I don't know if I could date someone that went through treatment and was clean, even if if they've been clean for several years.  I commend them for being able to do it but I've never been in their shoes, other than being an outsider looking in.  However, the chance of relapse is always there.  I don't know if I could stick with someone if they were to relapse. 

Would you ever date someone who was in recovery, whether a few months or several years?  Have you ever dated someone who was in recovery? 

I can't say that I have ever really experienced something like this before.  I like to think that I have been handling it well though.  I know that many people out there would call up their ex the moment those feelings come back.

I miss him, so incredibly much right now.  For the first week or two after we broke up, I was perfectly fine.  It was like I didn't feel anything - I didn't miss him at all.  But now, a month & a half later, it's almost like I'm finally feeling all the pain that comes with breaking up.  When my past relationships have ended, that pain was always there at the moment of the break up and just gradually got better over time.  Now, I'm doing the complete opposite.

I've been keeping myself busy.  I always have something to study for, I've been working out on a regular basis, and I work a couple nights out of the week at my part-time job.  So I do things to try to keep my mind off of him.. until it comes time to go to sleep at night.  Then, I have all these thoughts that make it extremely difficult to go to sleep.

I tend to think that it has something to do with the fact that we met exactly a year ago.  Now that spring is coming around again, I have all these reminders of the times when I was trying so hard to get him to talk to me.  And then reminders of the times that we spent together in those very early stages of dating.  It was just an all around exciting time.  My head was constantly in a cloud, and I guess you could say that I kind of miss those feelings.  And I hate that there are so many reminders of last year.

Even though I miss him so much, I really just have no desire to call him.  They say you're supposed to delete their phone numbers after you break up but I have yet to do this.  For one, I don't have the guts to call him.  I have nothing to say.  It makes absolutely no sense to try to get back together when the reason you broke up was because of commitment issues.

I'm doing everything I can to try to get through this.  However, there's got to be something else other than just letting time heal everything. 

As much as I don't want it to be, I think we've finally come to an end.  We have not really spoken to one another for about a week now.  He hasn't called me nor have I really called him.  At first, I just wanted to give him his space.  There's been some things going on in his life and I know that he just wants to deal with them on his own.  So, I backed off.  And then kept backing off.  (I'm talking about the past couple weeks now, not just this past week.)  Part of me was making a point:  How when I don't do all the calling or texting, he also doesn't take the time to talk to me. 

I'm burnt out.  I never knew it was possible to become burnt out within a relationship.  I always thought it was a term that dealt with jobs or school.. not relationships.  But I'm tired.  I've been tired for a good month and a half now but I've just held on.  We haven't been together TOO terribly long so I don't feel like I'm throwing away a huge portion of my life by not being with him anymore.  But, it's still hard because I do really care a lot about him. 

When I met him, I fell hard.  And I fell fast.  It was the start of second semester 2008 and we had the same history class together.  I had never seen him before and when I did, I thought he was one of the best looking guys I had ever seen and I was going to pursue this no matter what it took.  Unfortunately, it took a month before I finally had the guts to do something about it.  We went out over spring break and things just went from there.  He was still in school so our schedules matched up pretty well and we'd see each other a few nights during the week (and also in class).  After he graduated and started working full-time, it was harder to see each other because I was also working a full-time job as well as a part-time job on the weekends.  But, we made it work by seeing each other on Fridays and sometimes on Sundays.  Then, school started again for me and it became even harder to spend time together.  It was like this up until this past November when I was being bombarded with tests, presentations & papers for my classes as well as having to work about 20 hours a week.  We would go days without talking and I think we went a few weeks without really spending time together.  And this just continued to get worse and worse and now it's finally at that breaking point.  Because we weren't spending time together, we've just grown apart. 

We've never been that serious the entire time we've been together.  We've never said "I love you" and I've been okay with that.  But, it's also gotten to that point where I really want to be a bigger part of his life.  It was fine when we were just starting to date.. however, after being together a good 9 months now, I don't want to be continuously put on the back burner.  I know this is something that isn't going to change and I'm not going to push the issue any more.  He's so independent and I don't think he wants to be with someone seriously.  But for some reason, he wanted to be with me.