fiery_redhead's Datingish

Recovery and Relationships.

Sat, 10 Oct 2009 23:55:54 GMT

(If this post is going to be used for the front page, please make it anonymous!)

Addiction is a really ugly disease. It changes you not only physically but also emotionally. And it can take years to gain everything back that you lost. I currently work in an addiction treatment center and it really got me thinking about relationships. I see a lot of people in/coming from dysfunctional relationships and that is usually one of the most difficult things they work on while they are in treatment.

Since working at this job, I've said that I don't know if I could date someone that went through treatment and was clean, even if if they've been clean for several years. I commend them for being able to do it but I've never been in their shoes, other than being an outsider looking in. However, the chance of relapse is always there. I don't know if I could stick with someone if they were to relapse.

Would you ever date someone who was in recovery, whether a few months or several years? Have you ever dated someone who was in recovery?

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Tue, 09 Jun 2009 21:48:39 GMT

I am at a point in my life where I just want to have fun. I recently finished up my 3rd year of college and will be in my final year starting in August. Looking back at the past three years, I just feel like my life has flown by and I haven't really had much fun. I decided that I'm either going to take a trip over Interterm or Spring Break because it's something I've never done before. I also decided that I'm going to try to make friends, especially with the roommates I have right now and not be a loner like I have the past three years. And as far as dating goes.. I'm not going to get really serious with someone unless I think he's "the one". I want to have flings, go on dates, and not worry about where our relationship stands. I just want somebody to have fun with! Is there anything wrong with that?

And if I somehow find my Mr. Perfect in the midst of all this, then so be it. Honestly, I wish I could find that someone during this next year because once I get done with school, the chances of meeting people go wayyyyy down. Especially for a quiet, shy girl like myself who will be spending all their time working because a B.A. in Psychology pays absolutely nothing.

So, we'll see how life goes these next 12 months.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Thu, 19 Mar 2009 18:47:58 GMT

I can't say that I have ever really experienced something like this before. I like to think that I have been handling it well though. I know that many people out there would call up their ex the moment those feelings come back.

I miss him, so incredibly much right now. For the first week or two after we broke up, I was perfectly fine. It was like I didn't feel anything - I didn't miss him at all. But now, a month & a half later, it's almost like I'm finally feeling all the pain that comes with breaking up. When my past relationships have ended, that pain was always there at the moment of the break up and just gradually got better over time. Now, I'm doing the complete opposite.

I've been keeping myself busy. I always have something to study for, I've been working out on a regular basis, and I work a couple nights out of the week at my part-time job. So I do things to try to keep my mind off of him.. until it comes time to go to sleep at night. Then, I have all these thoughts that make it extremely difficult to go to sleep.

I tend to think that it has something to do with the fact that we met exactly a year ago. Now that spring is coming around again, I have all these reminders of the times when I was trying so hard to get him to talk to me. And then reminders of the times that we spent together in those very early stages of dating. It was just an all around exciting time. My head was constantly in a cloud, and I guess you could say that I kind of miss those feelings. And I hate that there are so many reminders of last year.

Even though I miss him so much, I really just have no desire to call him. They say you're supposed to delete their phone numbers after you break up but I have yet to do this. For one, I don't have the guts to call him. I have nothing to say. It makes absolutely no sense to try to get back together when the reason you broke up was because of commitment issues.

I'm doing everything I can to try to get through this. However, there's got to be something else other than just letting time heal everything.

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Wed, 04 Mar 2009 03:27:58 GMT

I had lunch last weekend with my ex-boyfriend from over four years ago. I think that was the first time I saw him since my high school graduation, which was almost 3 years ago. Basically, it's been a long time. We've kept in touch since we broke up. He would sometimes text me out of the blue otherwise we've just kept up through Myspace & Facebook. But, we've kept a friendly relationship since back in the day. I honestly don't remember why we broke up or what the situation really was. I just remember that things weren't going well and I ended up shattering his heart in the process. Since then, I think he's always wanted to try to get back together (which one of my friends has always told me that she thinks the same thing) but has never said anything about it to me.

So, we met up at Olive Garden for lunch for about an hour and a half. It was good to see him again. We had a few laughs about some of the weird things we did while we were together. Talked about our families and how it's crazy that time has flew by. The week before we decided to get together, he would text me almost every day and ask me how things were going. Since seeing him, I think I've spoken to him once. I don't know what happened or if I said something but it was such a change. I'm just kind of confused, I guess?

I don't know yet if I'm interested in seeing where things go. I think he might be but I'm just wanting to keep things the way they are right now. So, I'm thinking that him not talking to me is probably a good thing for now.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 21:51:41 GMT

As much as I don't want it to be, I think we've finally come to an end. We have not really spoken to one another for about a week now. He hasn't called me nor have I really called him. At first, I just wanted to give him his space. There's been some things going on in his life and I know that he just wants to deal with them on his own. So, I backed off. And then kept backing off. (I'm talking about the past couple weeks now, not just this past week.) Part of me was making a point: How when I don't do all the calling or texting, he also doesn't take the time to talk to me.

I'm burnt out. I never knew it was possible to become burnt out within a relationship. I always thought it was a term that dealt with jobs or school.. not relationships. But I'm tired. I've been tired for a good month and a half now but I've just held on. We haven't been together TOO terribly long so I don't feel like I'm throwing away a huge portion of my life by not being with him anymore. But, it's still hard because I do really care a lot about him.

When I met him, I fell hard. And I fell fast. It was the start of second semester 2008 and we had the same history class together. I had never seen him before and when I did, I thought he was one of the best looking guys I had ever seen and I was going to pursue this no matter what it took. Unfortunately, it took a month before I finally had the guts to do something about it. We went out over spring break and things just went from there. He was still in school so our schedules matched up pretty well and we'd see each other a few nights during the week (and also in class). After he graduated and started working full-time, it was harder to see each other because I was also working a full-time job as well as a part-time job on the weekends. But, we made it work by seeing each other on Fridays and sometimes on Sundays. Then, school started again for me and it became even harder to spend time together. It was like this up until this past November when I was being bombarded with tests, presentations & papers for my classes as well as having to work about 20 hours a week. We would go days without talking and I think we went a few weeks without really spending time together. And this just continued to get worse and worse and now it's finally at that breaking point. Because we weren't spending time together, we've just grown apart.

We've never been that serious the entire time we've been together. We've never said "I love you" and I've been okay with that. But, it's also gotten to that point where I really want to be a bigger part of his life. It was fine when we were just starting to date.. however, after being together a good 9 months now, I don't want to be continuously put on the back burner. I know this is something that isn't going to change and I'm not going to push the issue any more. He's so independent and I don't think he wants to be with someone seriously. But for some reason, he wanted to be with me.

I hate this part right here.

Sunday, December 07, 2008

Sun, 07 Dec 2008 07:48:13 GMT

I'm dealing with some really strange feelings right now and I don't know what to do. Is it possible to want to break up with someone but not really have a reason for it? I've really been thinking.. and I can't come up with a good reason to leave him. But there's still something that is bothering me. We've only been together as a couple for about 6 months. Throughout this time, we have not been that serious, at least I don't think so. With previous boyfriends, we always became serious quickly...this one was different.

I'm not bored with him. At least I don't think so. Life has been so busy the past month with the both of us that we haven't been able to spend time together. When we have been together, it's just been sitting around watching a movie or TV. It's been a change because we would always go out somewhere and do something. Now, when we're together, he falls asleep most of the time.

I also don't miss being single. He's been so wonderful in that he's not a jealous guy. He doesn't get upset if I decide I want to go out or hang out with my friends. I still do whatever I want, whenever I want and I know that I won't have to come back to an upset, jealous boyfriend just because I didn't call at a certain time or whatever. I need someone like that. Someone that isn't intimidated by my being independent. And like I said, he's been so understanding with that because I know that I've been understanding. He's the exact same way. He usually has his own agenda and sticks to it. And I really like that in him. It means he's not dependent on me.

But part of me wonders if he depends on me for anything. Sometimes I've wondered if he even cares about me. Awhile ago, I felt like he forgets about me when we're not together because there was a time where I called him all the time. He would never call me out of the blue just to say "hi" or ask me what I was doing over the weekend. I always had to do that. I finally brought it up to him and he realized that he needed to put some more effort into that. And I think he really has. But, like I said.. the past month now has been ridiculously busy. I've always had to work on the weekends & then I've had a ton of things to do with school. Now finals are next week so I'm consuming my week with those. He's working full-time and when he has days off, he's been working on re-modeling this house that he plans on moving in when it's finished. So.. I don't think we have spent more than a few hours together in the past month now.

Part of me just wants to see if things get better once I'm done with classes for the semester and actually have some free time. I also want to see if things get better when he finishes his house and he's finally able to move out there. But part of me doesn't want to keep questioning things. I don't want to keep figuring out what is wrong and what needs to be done. The one thing I've always struggled with is that it's been so hard for me to tell him when something is wrong. Or when something about him is bothering me. I don't even know how to bring this up because I don't know what is really bothering me.

Monday, August 04, 2008

Mon, 04 Aug 2008 06:29:02 GMT

Well, I am new the the Datingish website but I've had a few Xanga screen names in the past. I haven't ever been able to keep up with them though. I joined here because I liked reading the featured posts on the front page & wanted to be able to respond. I'm not sure if I will write in here though.. I may just get an itch one day to write and this will be the only place that I am able to. We'll see.